In an online conference, author Rebecca Fogg recounted her horrifying experience: In a freak accident at home, her hand was partially amputated. She recovered, but the event led her to focus seriously on what resilience means.
Resilience defined
In the business world and general American culture, people colloquially define resilience as one’s independent ability to bounce back to where they were (or better), pull themselves up by their bootstraps, be gritty, and still obtain a positive result after some kind of setback or hardship. There is a heavy undercurrent focus on whether the person is still able to compete and accomplish what they set out to do. The more resilient a person is, the more likely it is that they won’t give up and, therefore, that they’ll achieve success. In this context, individuals focus heavily on building resilience in the hope that it will help them succeed. The view through these efforts is that resilience is self-determined to a large degree.
Cornell Health, however, defines resilience more basically as the ability to cope with stress and adversity. In this context, Fogg pointed out that resilience can be thought of as how full your box of coping tools is, and much of what is in your box is externally influenced or beyond your control. If you can afford a spa day or therapy, for instance, you’re better equipped to cope than someone who can’t.
It’s not all under your control, despite what culture might tell you
Many people who encounter hardship learn to use the few tools they do have — including maladaptive tools like workaholicism — extraordinarily well. So, having a limited toolbox doesn’t automatically mean you won’t make anything of yourself or reach your goals, provided you can apply what you have in plenty of creative ways.
But Fogg’s larger point was one of grace. Instead of feeling guilt if your resilience isn’t what you’d like it to be, you can acknowledge that there are pieces of equipment you don’t have for reasons that are not your fault. Instead of comparing yourself to others who do better because they have more, you can consider what you are able to overcome and achieve given the specific tools that are accessible to you at your current point in time.
To illustrate this point, imagine two runners who are physically similar and who have enjoyed similar training. Both are loaded down with a heavy pack. But only one has some energy packets and water.
Who would you expect to complete a long course faster?
The runner who has the energy packets and water likely would win the race. They have tools that can help them combat fatigue and keep going. The runner without the energy packets and water might have every intention of continuing, but they’ll likely start to cramp, feel sick, or even hallucinate if they do.
If you wouldn’t blame the runner without the energy packets and water for running a worse race, why would you blame yourself for being less resilient if you didn’t have access to friends, money, a safe home, education, or other tools?
The greatest and most powerful resilience tool you could have
From the Christian perspective, the big takeaway from the above points is that God knows exactly what’s in your toolbox right now. He knows, too, what will be in it later. He doesn’t look down on you for what you don’t have, and He doesn’t want you to get lost in guilt about it and, as a result, get crippled in the fulfillment of your calling. God does, however, invite you to ask for both new tools and to trust He’ll carry what you can’t. If you’re ever unsure of what request to make, remember that faith is the greatest and most powerful tool of them all.