Recently, as part of my attempt to reoriented my career path toward a lighter workload, I completed a values assessment with a coach I’d hired. The assessment asked me to rank specific values on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being very important) and then rank how I lived or took action toward those values (10 being high action). When I looked at what I had filled out, there was a clear gap between many of my values and what I am doing. But does that mean I’m one big fat hypocrite? I argue no.
A stark compare and contrast
To me, when trying to determine if someone is a hypocrite, intent and the way a person sees others is massive. To a true hypocrite, the intent is to deliberately deceive, and the deceit stems from a narcissistic ego that sees others as less than. Someone who is simply struggling to live what they value (*cough* that’d be me), however, isn’t intentionally trying to deceive, and they don’t see themselves as any better than anyone else. In fact, they’re often hyperaware of their inconsistency and desperately want to change it because they know it can hurt others. You can see the difference in the infographic below:
This type of inner conflict was the condition of Paul as he wrote to the Romans (Romans 7:15-20):
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
People in need can grow, so don’t give up on them
People can make mistakes and be inconsistent, but that doesn’t mean they’re happy about it or mean to be that way. I genuinely believe in the values I said I have. Yet, I struggle to live them not only because of logistical hurdles, but also because of fear, mistrusts, uncertainty about how to break patterns, confusion about my influence and abilities, and other problems.
It is often only after I’ve stepped back that I recognize my inconsistency and what led to it.
In many areas of life, we can see people behaving outside their stated values and automatically assume they are a true hypocrite. But sometimes, they are simply in the middle of growing and need help casting aside what trips them up. When that’s the case, they don’t need criticism or abandonment under the doctrine of cancel culture. They need empathy and support from people who believe they can gain a more unified mindset and leave their sinful nature behind through God’s power. If they express regret over their duality and seek help, they’re not beyond hope or unworthy of trust.