Yesterday afternoon, I did something I almost never do — I went on social media and admitted that I was discouraged. I felt called to create Christian content, I said, but it’s been really, really hard.
The difficulty isn’t in finding motivation. I have a sense now that, although God didn’t cause what I’ve been through, He is bringing purpose to and transforming it. I have an understanding of what my message ultimately needs to be and the direction I need to go.
The key difficulties in the way
Success gurus (especially those that talk about building followings) lean heavily on the idea that if you want to get anywhere, you have to be consistent and not give up. I’ve listened and understood the value of patience. So, for more than three years now, I have done the work. I’ve shown up every day to do the podcast and all of the peripheral work for it. I’ve written an enormous amount of content, both for the podcast website and for social media. I’ve put together the devotional. I’ve tried to connect with people to get feedback. And with all of that, the needle has moved so little I cannot discern much progress. I still lack most of what I’ve always lacked.
The difficulty is the uncertainty of time. I do not know if the connections to others I need will come tomorrow or five years down the road. I don’t know how much longer I will have to be tired and trying to make things work.
Most of all, what’s been painful is disappointment. Disappointment in people who never returned emails. Who turned into ghosts after making promises. Who said they would offer everyday support only to leave me scrambling to carry a double load when they didn’t show up.
So, I went on social media and asked for prayer.
Unexpected visibility
I didn’t expect much of anything. Most of the time, if I post on social media, the algorithms make me invisible — I’m lucky for double-digit impressions. But for whatever reason, this time, people saw the post. Maybe that was a small blessing. I could tell that many of the people weren’t aware how long I’ve been podcasting or that I write professionally. But they were genuinely trying to be uplifting, and that mattered to me.
Just one person
I’ve mentioned it many times now, including on the podcast, but I keep coming back to the sentiment of Henri Nouwen from The Wounded Healer. A person can withstand anything and hold on if they only know that there is at least one other person who is willing to wait for them. Who will be patient through the suffering and be ready to carry on with the other person when it’s over.
That, I think, is what I am wanting. That one person. An advocate I can anchor to. I do not yet have that. But having received the responses to that post, I have at least a little hope I can still find it.